How to Magically Disappear from Meetings Like a Leprechaun

☕ The Monday Meltdown

"Another Day, Another Pointless Meeting That Could Have Been a Memo"

• Your calendar is 90% meetings, 10% actual work.

• That one person who asks “one more quick question” at the 59-minute mark.

• People pretending to take notes while actually online shopping.

• Meetings that end with “Let’s schedule a follow-up.”

🎭 The Corporate Circus (Humor Therapy)

📖 What If Meetings Had a Shot Clock?

Imagine a world where:

⏳ Five-minute limit per speaker (violators get ejected).
🔇 Anyone who says “Can you hear me?” is automatically muted.
🏆 “Meeting MVP” awards go to whoever speaks the least.
🎟 Escape room puzzles required before scheduling a follow-up.

🚨 Bonus: Here are 5 OOO replies that you can use if you are drowning in meetings all week.

1️⃣ The “Forever in a Meeting” Reply

📩 Subject: Out of Office – In a Meeting (Forever)

Hi there,

I’m currently in a very important meeting. If you need me, please feel free to send another email, which I will read during my next meeting.

If this is urgent, please contact [insert boss's email] so they can ignore it too.

Thanks,
[Your Name]

2️⃣ The “Meetings Are My Full-Time Job” Reply

📩 Subject: OOO – In Back-to-Back Meetings (Send Help)

Hello,

I appreciate your email, but unfortunately, I have transitioned into a full-time meeting attendee and can no longer perform actual work.

If you need something, please schedule a meeting. My next available slot is never.

Best of luck,
[Your Name]

3️⃣ The “Survivor: Conference Room Edition” Reply

📩 Subject: Out of Office – Currently Trapped in a Meeting

Hi,

I am currently competing in Survivor: Conference Room Edition, where the last person standing in this endless meeting wins absolutely nothing.

I will respond once I escape, but I estimate that will be never. Please light a candle for me.

Best,
[Your Name]

4️⃣ The “Automated Excuse Generator” Reply

📩 Subject: OOO – Auto-Generated Excuse Activated

Hello,

Thank you for your email! Unfortunately, I am:
☑️ Stuck in a meeting that should have been an email.
☑️ Trying to keep my eyes open while someone reads a PowerPoint word-for-word.
☑️ Nodding strategically so I look engaged.
☑️ All of the above.

I will respond once I regain consciousness.

Best,
[Your Name]

5️⃣ The “Meeting Recovery Mode” Reply

📩 Subject: Out of Office – Recovering from Too Many Meetings

Hello,

I regret to inform you that I have attended so many meetings today that my brain has officially shut down for maintenance.

Please try again later, or if urgent, send an email with "🚨" in the subject line, which I will promptly ignore until tomorrow.

Sincerely,
[Your Name]

🛠️ The Survival Toolkit (Actionable Tip or Tool)

✅ How to Politely Decline Useless Meetings

• “I have a scheduling conflict.” (Your conflict is your own peace of mind.)

• “Can you send a summary?” (I will never read it, but send it anyways.)

• “I trust the team to handle this.” (A bold gamble.)

🔧 Tool of the Week: "Krisp" – AI-powered background noise cancellation, so you can totally be in a meeting while making a sandwich.

📌 The Passive-Aggressive Inbox

📧 Email: “Let’s find a time that works for everyone.”
🔍 Translation: “You will suffer.”

📧 Email: “Can you all turn your cameras on?”
🔍 Translation: “I don’t trust you.”

📧 Email: “Let’s go around the room and share our thoughts.”
🔍 Translation: “You weren’t planning to speak, but now you have to.”

🚨 "What’s the worst meeting phrase?" Send us yours!

🏆 The BS Bingo Scorecard

What happened during your meeting hell this week? Any of the below?

✔ Meeting started with “Let’s give it a few minutes for others to join.”
✔ Someone repeated exactly what the last person said.
✔ You turned your camera off and ate snacks in peace.
✔ The meeting ended with no real decisions made.
✔ “Let’s table this discussion” (which means it will never be discussed again).

📰 In the News

📢 The Great Meeting Purge: Why Some Companies Are Canceling Meetings Entirely

• Shopify, Slack, and Asana are leading a "meeting reduction movement."

• Research shows meetings kill productivity and cost billions in wasted time.

• Some companies now have "No-Meeting Fridays" (aka the dream).

Final Summary: Week 2

📌 The Monday Meltdown: Meetings are out of control, and we all know it.
🔍 The Corporate Circus: What if meetings were timed like basketball games?
🛠 The Survival Toolkit: How to dodge meetings without getting fired.
✉️ The Passive-Aggressive Inbox: Email phrases that scream suffering.
🏆 The BS Bingo Scorecard: How much corporate nonsense did you endure this week?

Did we miss a classic meeting horror story? Reply and share—your pain fuels our content!

Until next week, may your calendar be empty and your "Decline" button be strong.